Coping with cancer

People with cancer have a range of emotions to deal with, as well as practical issues relating to their illness and treatment. Friends and family can help simply by listening or by assisting with specific chores. You may be entitled to assistance from government agencies, while cancer support groups can provide information and mutual support. Self-help measures such as good nutrition, exercise and relaxation are also beneficial.

First thoughts

People react in different ways when they learn they have cancer. Feelings can be muddled and change quickly. This is quite normal and there is no right or wrong way to feel. Talking about your feelings can be helpful, as can talking to other people with cancer.

Letting family know

It is usually best to tell your family and your closest friends about your cancer sooner rather than later. Some people worry that older people in the family or children will not cope with the news. But if you do not tell your family, they will probably know  something is wrong and then think things are much worse than they are.

Reaction from friends and family

Anyone you tell needs time to take it in and to come back with his or her questions and fears - just like you. You can help them to adjust, just as they can help you. But remember that while you are having treatment, your needs should come first. If you do not feel like talking, say so.

If there are practical things they can do to help, say so. If you cannot cope with any more visitors, say so. Some friends are better at doing something practical to help than they are at sitting and talking. Some find it so difficult that they may stop visiting for a while. Everyone is different.

Talking to children

How much you tell children will depend on how old they are. Young children need to know it is not their fault you are unwell. They also need to know you may have to go into hospital. Slightly older children can probably understand a simple explanation of what is wrong.

Adolescent children can obviously understand much more. All children need to know what will happen to them while you are in hospital - who will look after them and how their daily life will be affected. Sometimes children rebel or become quiet. Keep an eye on them or get someone else to, and get help if you need it, for example, from the school counsellor or a hospital social worker.

Support groups

Cancer support groups offer mutual support and information to people with cancer, and often to their families too. It can help to talk to others who have gone through the same experience. Support groups can also offer many practical suggestions and ways of coping. Ask your hospital or local Cancer Society for information on cancer support groups in your area.

Local Cancer Society centres offer a range of services for people with cancer and their families/whanau. These may include:

• volunteer drivers providing transport to and from treatment
• support and education groups.

The services offered differs in each region, so contact your local centre to find out what is available in your area.

Information service

The Cancer Society also has an Information Service where you can talk about your concerns and needs with specially trained nurses. Contact the Cancer Society on 0800 CANCER (226 237) or call your local Cancer Society.

Also see: Questions to ask your doctor when you have cancer

Financial assistance

You may qualify for a benefit and be able to get extra help through accommodation supplements and assistance with medical bills, and possibly transport and accommodation costs for medical appointments.

For information about income support, benefits and entitlements, phone the Work and Income Contact Centre on 0800 599 009 or visit the WINZ website: www.workandincome.govt.nz

Other services

Other services you may be entitled to include: home help, nursing care, palliative care, respite care, and hospice care (some of these services may be more applicable to people with advanced cancer). It may also be possible to hire medical equipment to use at home.

Pastoral care workers are able to discuss practical and spiritual concerns (from all religious and non religious viewpoints).

Ask your doctor, nurse, hospital social worker, palliative care service or local Cancer Society for advice about these services.

How can I help myself?

Many people feel there is nothing they can do when they are told they have cancer. They feel out of control and helpless for a while. However, there are practical ways you can help yourself:

Diet: A balanced nutritious diet will help to keep you as well as possible and cope with any side effects of treatment. Also see Eating well when you have cancer

Exercise: Research has indicated that people who remain active cope better with their treatment. The problem is that while too much exercise is tiring, too little exercise can also make you tired. It is important to find your own level. Discuss with your doctor what is best for you.

Relaxation techniques: Some people find relaxation or meditation helps them to feel better. The hospital social worker or nurse will know whether the hospital runs any programmes, or may be able to advise you on local community programmes.

Seek advice from health professionals

If you feel uncomfortable or unsure about your treatment, it is important that you discuss any concerns with those involved in your care, including your general practitioner.

Health and Disability rights

Whatever treatment you are having or decisions you have made regarding treatment, you have the right to be treated according to the Code of Rights for Health and Disability.

Your rights include being treated with respect, being treated fairly without pressure or discrimination, and the right to dignity and independence.

For more information, see the website of the Health and Disability Commissioner: www.hdc.org.nz

Related topics

Also see What is cancer? and Questions to ask your doctor when you have cancer

Original material provided by the Cancer Society of New Zealand, 2008. Edited by everybody, August 2010.