Talking to your kids about sex can be daunting but they need good, meaningful advice and support to help them on their way.
Sexual health advice in 1901 was along the lines of, "If a young person mentions sex they will have poor memory and dullness but those who do not speak of it will be pictures of blooming health and absolute purity".
We have come a long way since then, though some may disagree.
We are sexual beings from an early age and children are naturally curious. Many children now hit puberty earlier than before.
By puberty, when physical and sexual development is in overdrive, sex and sexual health can be confusing to teenagers. Parents can help their children figure it out.
Talking about sex and a person's development builds children's confidence to ask more as they get older. Schools, friends, the internet and magazines all influence young minds, but parents know their children and are best suited to drive the conversation.
Small frequent chats usually work better, as the opportunity presents itself, rather than the "sit down, we need to talk" approach. Find out what they already know, talk about males and females in the same conversation, avoid leaving the boys to dad and the girls to mum. Read books together, talk about your expectations and reinforce your values and standards.
School sexuality education, compulsory to Year 10 , can vary in content but is a good starting point for discussion. Adolescents quickly need to understand the difference between meaningful relationships and sexual encounters, and the risk of unplanned pregnancy. They need good advice if choosing contraception, including the emergency "morning-after pill".
Young people need to realise that the oral contraceptive pill and some other types of contraception, used without condoms, do not protect against sexually transmitted infections. Some, including chlamydia and HIV, are on the increase in New Zealand.
The best way young people can keep themselves safe is to learn how these infections are passed on, the symptoms and how to avoid them (abstinence is the only sure way). Then, where to go for treatment.
Enjoying sexual activity without causing or suffering mental or physical harm means being fully aware of how the body works and the many changes throughout life.
Young people need to feel supported to be able to share their feelings openly. I learnt plenty from my children and their friends, and frequently had to ask myself, "Am I really listening and accepting their different views?" Sex education is more than just about sex and it needs a sensitive approach. It includes our relationships with ourselves, with others and society.
| DIY: FACTS OF LIFE |
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1 Do some revision before talking to your children – www.familyplanning.org.nz.
2 Support teens who choose to delay or abstain from sex. |
3 Have your say when school sexual health policies are renewed (usually two yearly).
4 Encourage your teen to find a trusted health professional – a GP, family planning, student health clinic. |
(Published in the Sunday News, 11 October 2009)
More everybody MYHEALTH columns from Barbara Docherty
Barbara Docherty is a registered nurse and clinical lecturer at the University of Auckland School of Nursing, and writer for the everybody.co.nz website. The opinions contained herein are those of the author and not necessarily those of the publisher or sponsor. Copyright UBM Medica (NZ) Ltd.
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