What happens after a miscarriage?

Rest is essential after having a miscarriage. It is normal to feel physically and emotionally drained. If possible take a few days off work or have someone look after your home and children.

The bleeding should slow down after a complete miscarriage or dilatation and curettage, and stop after about seven days. It is important to avoid sexual intercourse until the bleeding has finished, as it could introduce an infection to the healing uterus.

If the pregnancy lasted more than 12 weeks, your breasts will probably produce milk. This will stop by itself in a few days, or if the pregnancy was quite advanced, take as long as six months. Wear a firm supportive bra and avoid stimulating your nipples as this encourages milk flow.

When should I try to conceive again?

It is common to grieve for the lost baby, but not everyone does. We recommend you finish grieving for the baby you have just lost before becoming pregnant again. The Miscarriage Support Group has found that women who do not finish grieving over a miscarriage are more likely to suffer postnatal depression after the birth of their next child.

It is also recommended to have at least one period before conceiving again so that the new pregnancy can be accurately dated. As you can conceive as soon as 14 days after a miscarriage, it is advisable to start using contraception immediately.

When should I contact my doctor?

• when bleeding continues longer than a week or is heavy
• if you have any pain
• if your temperature rises.

How will I feel after a miscarriage?

Everybody reacts differently after a miscarriage and you should accept your feelings, whatever they are. Most parents feel shocked and numb for a while. Once this passes, it is common to be upset because a miscarriage is the death of an unborn baby and needs mourning. It is also common to feel very angry about the miscarriage. Many parents, especially those who did not plan their pregnancy, are surprised at just how strong their grief can be.

Many cannot stop crying, thinking and talking about the miscarriage, and perhaps wondering if they are going mad. Often the mother's self-esteem (and sometimes the father's) is low after a miscarriage.

All the above feelings are common and a healthy response. Do not try to ignore the feelings, as the grief needs to be expressed. They will take much longer to resolve if you try to stop the grieving process. Men often find it hard to express these feelings and may need encouragement to show their grief.

What are ways of grieving for the baby?

Think about the baby, give it a name, talk about him or her, write your thoughts down, draw your feelings, cry. These are all good ways to release the grief. A funeral or farewell ceremony can be helpful. When your grieving has finished you will be able to live in peace with the memories of your miscarriage. We recommend that you don't conceive again until you have reached this stage.

Many people who have not experienced miscarriage may find it difficult to understand why you are so upset or taking so long to get over it. With the best intentions they may urge you to 'get on with things' or 'try again', or suggest sedatives. Explain to them that you are not just depressed, weak or feeling sorry for yourself, but mourning a death.

Original material provided by Miscarriage Support Auckland Inc. Edited by everybody, March 2005.