So what does intimacy actually mean? Some people take it to mean getting naked with each other. But what it really means is how familiar or close you are to someone.

How do you get that close with another person? How do you move from being just good friends to being lovers? Communication plays a large part in this. Talking about stuff that interests you, that worries you. Sharing your hopes and fears, your highs and lows.

It takes time for two people to build trust and to get closer to each other on an emotional and a physical level. It usually happens bit by bit, as you tell somebody something, see what they do with it, and if you can trust them to offer more of yourself. It's the same with sex.

There are lots of ways of being physically close and many degrees of intimacy. To be intimate with someone in a sexual way, you need to be able to discuss things such as:

• what you feel comfortable with
• how you like to be touched
• how you don't like to be touched
• how far you want to go
• where you feel OK about sex taking place
• contraception
• using condoms/dams (protection for oral sex)
• changing your mind
• changing your likes and dislikes.

And, you need to be able to listen to the other person talk about how they feel about all those things too. It is important that both people feel ready for each level of closeness.

And don't forget, there is no rush to move on to full sexual intercourse before you are ready. There are lots of ways of being physically close, of being held and touched in a way that is pleasurable and close. Take time to explore those and to learn what you and your partner like.

Good reasons for having sex do NOT include:

• just because everyone else says they are (they often aren't)
• because your partner insists (if it's not what you want)
• because you're scared your partner will leave if you don't (they might not, and if they do, they're not worth it)
• because you're frightened (anyone that frightens you does definitely not deserve to have sex with you)
• because you've got to a certain age and think you should (there's no use-by date on your genitals, they'll still be there next week/month/year)
• because you're drunk/out of it and think it's no big deal (it is a big deal)
• because you want to be loved (sex and love are not the same thing)
• because it will prove that you are attractive (in the end, only you can tell yourself that.)

What you feel and what you need matters. What your partner feels and needs matters too. The key is communicating with each other, so you both get your needs met.

Reviewed by everybody, July 2008.